Women coming out of abusive relationships have been wrongly diagnosed with things like Bi-Polar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Paranoia, delusional, Co-dependency, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder amongst other things. Generally their moods swing backwards and forwards from depression to anxiety, making them look like they are suffering from Bi-Polar. Similarly they have feelings of wanting vengeance, uncontrolled anger, self-harm, thoughts of suicide which can be aligned to Borderline Personality disorder.
Having gone through a terrifying experience where you didn’t know what was going to happen or whether you would survive and are still fearful of the perpetrator who has scrambled your brain, it is no wonder you are exhibiting signs of paranoia real or unreal. Plus he has possibly been stalking you in an attempt to accuse you of paranoia, so you begin to think things are happening but you can’t prove it, so other people look on you as delusional. Of course, the perpetrator has tried to convince you that you brought all the psychological abuse that he has been inflicting upon yourself and are in fact the abuser. It is enough to give anyone a headache
This is a reaction to prisoner of war syndrome, Stockholm syndrome, Coercion. Your mind was played with you were held against your will in a pathological relationship that affected your spiritual wellbeing and your emotional and physical state was in danger. So all these things are quite normal, unfortunately some of these symptoms may overlap and makes counselling difficult.
Lets look at each one:
Bi-Polar
Millions of people have bipolar disorder; it used to be called manic depression. With bipolar disorder, life can be like an emotional roller coaster. One day your mood is low and you feel sad. Then your mood gets really high and you feel great. Then the sadness comes back.
One day you may feel so depressed that you can't get out of bed. Work may seem impossible.
On another day you may feel great and full of endless energy. You may feel like you’re getting a lot done. But other people might think that what you are doing is dangerous and out of control.
http://www.bipolar.com/what_is_bipolar/what_is_bipolar.html
Borderline Personality Disorder
Self-harm (for example, cutting yourself) or repeated attempts or expressions of the desire to commit suicide. This behaviour can only be counted as one of the criteria for diagnosis; it can't be counted again as demonstrating any of the other symptoms.
Frantic efforts to avoid being alone, due to an intense fear of being abandoned. Others may not see this fear as justified, but you may go to great lengths to avoid being alone. For example, you may say that you will harm someone if they leave.
A pattern of unstable and intense relationships. Feelings often alternating between idolising the other person and then thinking they are really awful.
A very uncertain, shaky self-image or sense of self. You may feel good whilst you feel loved by someone you think is wonderful. If you later see them as bad, your own sense of self could be affected. You may also have doubts about your sexual identity.
Two or more areas of your life where your behaviour could cause you harm and be seen as impulsive. Examples would be: spending money extravagantly and having huge debts, having unprotected sex, abusing drugs or alcohol, driving without due care, or binge eating. (See Mind's booklet Understanding eating distress.) You may do these things because you're trying to deal with awful feelings of pain or emptiness.
You may have moods that are very difficult to come out of. For example, you may go through long periods (usually lasting a few hours) of extreme irritability, restlessness, unhappiness or anxiety.
Terrible feelings of emptiness.
Anger that's inappropriate, intense or difficult to control. You may lose your temper a great deal, experience constant anger or be involved in physical fights. You may feel particularly angry when you think you're being criticised. Anger is often a very difficult feeling for people to acknowledge and deal with, but may cause particular problems in the life of someone diagnosed with BPD. (See How to deal with anger.)
Periods of paranoia or feeling unreal when under stress. This might be accompanied by an almost complete lack of physical sensation. At difficult times, you may experience yourself as having more than one personality or feel you are in a trance-like state.
As a result of confusion about your personal identity and a terror of being left alone, you may find yourself clinging to very damaging relationships. Many people who meet the criteria for BPD also meet the criteria for histrionic, narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder.
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+borderline+personality+disorder.htm#What_is_borderline_personality_disorder_
Paranoia
Paranoia is a mental state where you are suspicious without reason. You may feel that people are trying to harm you in some way or that something dreadful is about to happen. Everyone can be suspicious at times, or feel fearful about the future, but if you are experiencing paranoia you may lose insight into the fact that perhaps your fears are groundless, and in extreme forms you may be unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Paranoia is a psychiatric condition, which often occurs as a feature of a more serious mental illness such as schizophrenia or manic depression, or as a result of using street drugs.
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/otherconditions/paranoia
Delusional
Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness called a "psychosis" in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined.
http://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/guide/delusional-disorder
Co-dependency
Many Psychologists argue this dependency is created at infancy, when the child is nourished, encouraged, loved and protected by its mother, and feels panicky and insecure when ignored. So the need to fulfil the mother role goes on into adulthood.
The way I see it is that you want a partner in your life you can rely on. Most of us want a mate and there is nothing wrong in that and we also want someone we can depend upon. However co-dependency is when you believe you cannot survive without your partner.
And you become co-dependent when you become chronically insecure and suffer from low self-esteem and that is the way an abuser makes you feel. When you fight back it becomes a game because you attack the abusers vulnerabilities that they try desperately to cover up, hence co-dependency. Partners of abusers experience denial of the abusive behaviour, similar to denial experienced by addicts and just as life threatening. The abused partner will often remain loyal to the abuser until the denial is broken.
Chemical dependency for both partners is common and often acts as another form of control. Isolation provides an ideal ground for the abuser to encourage chemical dependency, which can lead to addiction.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
This is a normal reaction to an abnormal event. Falling apart is normal, not abnormal.
Victims often shy away from professionals immediately after a stressful event. They may fail to recognise the limits of their own resources and that problems have become entrenched and may engage in other potentially damaging coping strategies. Also their ability to seek help may be reduced by their severe distress.
Early intervention within days after the event, if possible even if it is just to establish contact with the victim.
Psychological help needs to accompany practical help and advocacy (income, recovery of possessions, contact with family and employers, legal aid, housing etc.)
Information for victim (about loved ones, co-victims) and between mental health services, emergency service and military and police needs to be available.
Sympathetic listening is often a primary component of therapy and an emphasis on the patient being a normal person being exposed to an abnormal event with understandable normal responses, may reassure the patient.
Initial denial and numbing and later mood swings, irritability and anger as well as sadness are normal.
Nature heals through allowing these feelings to come out. This will not lead to loss of control of the mind but stopping these feelings may lead to nervous and physical problems. Crying gives relief.
So where are you in the diagnosis chart and how do you seek help. When choosing a counsellor make sure you feel comfortable with them. Keep clearly in mind who you were before the abuse started. In my book Beyond Reproach I offer a self-confidence chart, which allows you to tick a progress scale from week to week. Building your self- confidence may take some time, by filling in this chart you will gradually identify areas you need to work on. And one thing you must remember - you are a special person, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Counselling services for Sussex can be found at http://www.sussex-counselling.co.uk
Janet Stead…….http:/www.reach-for-the-skies.co.uk
