Forgive and forget
Is that true, forgiveness is often looked upon as a weakness, we can forget but can we truly forgive?
I have tried it often enough and it always comes back to ‘kick me in the teeth’ because you may be able to forgive but what of the other party/parties involved?
Forgetting for me is a better option, an act of forgiveness forces you to acknowledge a painful experience you would rather not remember. And in the case of trauma and abuse, surely unless the other party/parties involved are sorry for what they have done, then how can you forgive?
Maybe it is just another way of saying let go, yet how can we forget something that has caused us pain because by forgetting our past completely only means we may be prone to repeat it.
They say ‘you can’t run away from a problem’, but surely that depends on how big the problem really is?
In relationships we say ‘no baggage’ but it’s impossible to get rid of baggage because we all have it.
‘You can choose your friends but not your family,’ hmmm, that’s a tough one, well maybe you can do both, after all many families only meet at weddings, funerals and christenings.
So do I have baggage? Of course I do, I wouldn’t be normal without it. I had a partner who thought the only way of controlling me was to knock me around, and then another who viewed my child as baggage, personally I look on having a child as the best thing that ever happened to me. And then there was the one who was psychologically abusive so I have probably got issues too. I certainly have an opinion and am not afraid to say so. Of course, I can ‘always beg to differ’ and have no need to go around changing everyone else’s views to suit my own.
‘Forgiveness,’ well I have never been in a situation, certainly with regard to relationships, which really allowed me to forgive, it has always been a ‘Mexican stand-off’ and as I have never met the people concerned again because they are part of the ‘blame culture’ and ‘live in denial’, there would be little point.
‘Sorry’ is a word that doesn’t come easily to people’s lips, so forgetting is probably the kindest way.
Time and space are the greatest healers and as time goes by, things don’t mean so much anymore. Life as we know it is so short, so erase those memories, start afresh and move on………………………………… Janet Stead, Monday, 07 January 2008
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